She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize