Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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