the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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