You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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