Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
