piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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