I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
