If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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