ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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