Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
