your thong is hanging out like whoa
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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