dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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