i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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