I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
