i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
