I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
