just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
