she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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