Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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