I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
