The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
