I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
