do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
