so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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