i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
