Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
