when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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