I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
