I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what day is it and did you see me today?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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