i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
