is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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