Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize