you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
