He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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