We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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