For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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