I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
