I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
