Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
