my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These tits shall not be calmed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
