dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
