I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
