Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
