I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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