I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
