Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
