like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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