This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
