We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
