She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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