bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
