she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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