I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
