And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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