the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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