ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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