Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ate ashes out of my bong
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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