I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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