and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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