I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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