They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
