Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
