im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
as a side note pls kill me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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