I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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