Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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