make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
