when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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