Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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