My room smells like vodka and shame
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
