i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
