I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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