I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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