after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
