She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize