Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
