there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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