I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
