your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my shit smells like andre
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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