this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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