An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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