Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
