her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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