i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize