I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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