So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
